HeartSGBlogs: Self-discipline

Self-discipline refers to our ability to control or restrain ourselves from all kinds of feelings, impulses, and desires, which includes the desire for physical and material comfort.

Self-discipline is something that is learnt and developed as we grow older.

Self-discipline is rarely observed in children as they still do not have the full capacity to think in terms of the future. As the “self” aspect of “self-discipline” is not fully developed, self-discipline is often taught on the basis of discipline through our parents, school and the society.

Hence, the word DISCIPLINE throughout our lives will be always associated with punishments. DISCIPLINE will always be remembered as the devil in our childhood memories, emotions of sadness, despair, fear and anger will automatically be presented in our thoughts.

Yes, discipline is scary but self-discipline is different from that type of discipline.

Self-discipline is self-love; it is the love so great enough to allow yourself to forego immediate pleasure, to think & actively act based on what is best for you in the long term. It is the very thing that will give us the power to overcome the temptations that cross your road towards your goals, success and dreams. 

Soon you will realise that nothing will be as valuable as your path towards self-discipline.  It is hard but definitely worth it. It is the very thing that differentiates just talent and actual skill. Hard work will be rewarded and no one or nothing can take that away.

“Winners embrace hard work.  They love the discipline of it, the trade-off they’re making to win.  Losers, on the other hand, see it as a punishment.  And that’s the difference.” –  Lou Holtz

3 ways to work towards Self-Discipline

Accept & Not Avoid Temptations

Avoidance of Temptations is the act of sweeping things under the carpet. We may be able to lie to ourselves once or twice, but this does not last. We won’t be able to lie to ourselves for long.

Acceptance of Temptations is simply to recognise that such impulses exist, being open & honest about it. This allows you move on faster, as to you, these desires are just a presence. 

Imagine that you are trying to become healthier. Compare these thoughts “There are delicious looking cookies on the table” and “Don’t look at those cookies, do not touch or try to eat them”. There is a higher chance that we would not eat the cookie when we think of the first thought rather than the second thought.  

The more we try to avoid such desires; we will eventually be consumed by thoughts to actively avoid the temptations. Avoiding temptations becomes such a painful process as we are consciously aware of us giving up the pleasure for a long time, and this increases the possibility for us to give in to our desires.

  

Give up control

When temptations come, we unconsciously make the effort to act upon it. Then that tug of war of giving in to those cravings and winning against those cravings begins, with your mind dealing with those internal struggles. What if you consciously made an effort to not act upon it? Your mind would be at peace, no war would have to happen in your head. Hence, at times beating those temptations is simply to know that we don’t necessarily have to decide what to do with it.

Always remember your initial motive

Constantly remind yourself that you are doing this because it is ultimately the best for yourself. You shape and determine your own future. The pleasure experienced by the lack of self-discipline is only temporary, and it can never be compared to the joy that you will feel after accomplishing your goal or aim.

A little quote to ignite that fire to build that strength for self-discipline;

“If I want to be great I have to win the victory over myself…self-discipline.” – Harry S. Truman

"Having the simplest self-discipline, create Legends"

HeartSGBlogs- Initiative

Being initiative as defined by the dictionary has three meanings:

1. Is having the ability to assess and initiate things without promptings from others.

2. Is having that capacity to act or take charge before others do.

3. Is having the power to perform a strategy intended to resolve a difficulty or improve a situation; a fresh approach to something.

Initiative people summarized based on the three meanings can be described as independent and courageous leaders.

It is a known fact that initiative people are often those who succeed in achieving their dreams, goals and ambitions. 

Showing initiation allows for the creation of opportunities, allows one to be in control, and constantly fuels one’s internal passion.   

One of the most valued rewards of being initiative is the outcome of continuous improvement that it provides.

However, this consequence is the very thing that hinders us from being initiative. Continuous improvement also equates change. Change is something that is not easily accepted, as it requires us to be different, to take an extra mile or step. Change is something that is always feared, no matter it being a good one or a bad one.

When the consequence of change is being recognized, we automatically start putting our minds into that state, the state that evaluates all types of possible risks and disadvantages towards showing our initiation. 

The so called risks and disadvantages calculated may not necessarily be accurate as your unconscious fear has also given their inputs. Risk-takers are winners, taking a little risk is the key to giving yourself a chance to create a better life for yourself.

Take initiative and grant yourself the power to become your best selves today!

Little Advises to be more initiative

Prepare & Act together

Once we have something to be initiative for, we tend to prepare for it, trying to ensure that the risk taken is paid off or at least not backfire on us. This preparation phase often takes much time and effort as we are trying to perfect it. The more time taken, the more we will procrastinate and give excuses on acting. Beware of this phase that hinders you; conquer this possibility by preparing and acting at the same time. Form small goals to prepare and act concurrently, so that you can see little movements in that initiation, motivating the strength to act continuously.

Acknowledge learning through doing

Some things in life are indeed skill-based, like learning an instrument, learning driving or learning how to painting. There are no guidebooks or no steps to follow. This is exactly the learning procedure on being initiative. If we never done it, there is no way we will find out if it works or not. Being initiative has no clear cut procedures or consequence; if you want to learn how, take that step of doing first.

Welcome the possibility of screwing up

Screwing up on being initiative does not seem as bad as it portrays to be. Initiation is always an extra step, at most you will be judged for doing too much. This type of consequence should not hinder us, tell yourself that you cannot make everyone happy and the opinions are constantly changing. Since we cannot control it, why bother. Screwing up also means another opportunity to make your initiation work or encourage other’s initiation, bringing unexpected insights and rewards to yourself and those around you.

Going that extra mile, always pays off, it all depends on your perception of it.

Have more initiative; you never know how its magic inspires yourself and those around you.

"Having the simplest initiative, create Legends"

HeartSGBlogs- Trust

Some of the most hassling things are formed due to the lack of trust.

Things house locks, legal systems and even the concept of money. Although these things were created to protect us, but I am sure that there were instances that you were certainly frustrated due to it.

Experiencing a situation where you were locked out of the house because you forgot your keys

Experiencing a dilemma between the need to report a crime despite the valid and good nature reason behind that crime

Experiencing that bitterness where you had to take up a job because of the money it offered rather than the satisfaction that you would experience from another job.

If trust existed, we will not have things like “Monday Blues”, and “jobs” or the need to work would not have to exist.

But thinking further ahead, imagine a world with trust, without betrayals, hidden motives, and the worry that others would give more importance to personal gains as compared to everyone’s welfare.

Is this not the world we all want to live in? Is this not what we want for future generations? Is this not the common aim we all dream off but never had the courage to act upon?

Yes to build a society filled with trust is to start trusting others around us, but trust is definitely difficult as guidelines in the way humans choose to trust is not even trustworthy on its own.

In a situation, where we first meet someone, humans are conditioned to trust another based on the millisecond. We tend to trust someone based on faces, based on authority and based on reputation. However, these have been proven as unreliable estimates of identifying a trustworthy individual.

With a situation, where we know another pretty well, trust is still measured on the basis of a gamble. It is still seen as an investment, as time and environment can change the way others trust us and the way we trust others. Hence, trust is a continuous and ever changing process.

The unreliable and dynamic nature of trust has indeed made trusting very strenuous on us.

Fortunately, not all hope is lost, as the perplexing nature of trust can be reduced.

Strategies to counter complicated TRUST

Know how you choose to trust a person

Everyone has different ways to determine a trustworthy person, identify what is it the main key that allows you to direct your empathy towards others. Is it certain characteristics, values, education, etc? This allows you to work on and widen your scope to trust others, working upon the weaknesses and strengths of how you trust others.

Be Transparent

Being clear and as white as a sheet of paper makes it easier not only for others to trust you but also easier for you to trust yourself. The key step to trusting others begins with trusting yourself first. When you are not transparent, you yourself will get confused with your own actions, leading to self-doubt. This self-doubt would in turn cause you to doubt others as well. 

Give others a second chance

With forgiveness, more trust will be developed. Forgiving benefits both sides. It means accepting the mistakes of others, allowing them to enhance their trust in you as you are able to accept their shortcomings. While when those vulnerability and weaknesses are shown, it also makes yourself easier to trust them as you know they are just like you too, imperfect. Studies have shown that forgiveness is the key to building, forming and maintaining long term relationships.

Trust allows us to become and do so much more, more joys will be brought with trust. The rewards given by trust will be so magical and the world would be in more peace than ever. Start with yourself first, and become that inspiration and light, so that this impossible dream will be possible.

"Having the simplest  trust, create Legends"

HeartSGBlogs: Prudence

Prudence is the virtue that disposes practical reasoning to discern goodness in every circumstance and to choose the right means of achieving it.

According to Aristole, a famous philosopher, prudence is stressed upon, and the main virtue that promotes an ethical and a morally good wholesome life.

These days, it is rare to find an individual to believe that the world is ethical, right and just.  We find it hard to trust the way institutions and societies are running. Governmental bodies, healthcare industries, education sector, financial sector, legal entities, etc. We find it even hard to trust ourselves to choose between the right thing and what is deemed as the profitable/required/expected choice.

We worry that the people we rely on do not have the best interest for us or we worry that they do not know us well enough to actually pick & secure the best interests.  This very insecurity causes us to set up more rules, rules to protect us and cause indifferent & uncaring institutions to make decisions based on the welfare of the people.

Such as giving judges a guidebook on what type of sentence goes with what type of crime, impose limits on the interests that can be given by banks, giving teachers scripts to follow in the classroom.

Asides rules, the incentive system is also set up, so that selfish people will still make decisions that serves our interests as they have something to gain.

These “solution” of rules and incentives that are implemented demoralises the activity and people who are intrinsically motivated to engage in the activity. Such implementations have created a generation of people that only does things to their own advantage, enhancing the selfish nature and developing a mind-set against the very virtue of Prudence.

Hence, prudence is something that is almost extinct in our current society, as we know that it does not necessarily repay us, due to the many loopholes in the systems that we have created.

An example will be when a criminal does something wrong because for ethical purposes, such as stealing money to save their dying parents.

Why should we practice prudence and take effort to reason out with circumstances when a definite answer is already provided and is something that we alone cannot change?

Do it for the common goal of creating and rebuilding a society and community that is fair and morally good. Being prudent sparks justice and fairness in people, imagine that happiness and joy to be able to see the good in those around you. Imagine relationships initiated and formed without walls of self-defense or heart of caution and wary.

Together, we can do it, let’s begin the journey to prudence

Having Flexibility

Being flexible with what is deemed as “good”, knowing how to change and react accordingly to what is truly best. This allows us to reason better, aiding us to what’s right in difficult circumstances, making prudence simpler. Retreat and take risks accordingly. You can start by being less rigid with simple events, for example, planning an impromptu outing or change up your

Seek Counsel

Seeking Counsel allows us to open our minds to more perspectives. We have limited capacity after all, the knowledge that we have may not be enough to for us to reason out what’s best. Gaining more insights and opinions will benefit our reasoning process. Furthermore, this is a way to enjoy the process of being prudent, as we get to learn and form relationships with others as well. 

Do acts of kindness everyday

Remember the basis of prudence is always for the good. We may be easily deterred to practice prudence because of how the current nature of society. We can motivate ourselves by doing simple acts of kindness every day. Such examples include, picking up trash on the road, recycling items instead of throwing them away, or giving up your seat for an elderly. The more we do this, the more we are reminded about the good of being good. With the purpose of good, practicing prudence will be easier and easier each day.

To end off, a quote by Joseph Smith, Jr

“ Be wise; let prudence dictate all your counsels; preserve peace with all men, if possible; stand by the Constitution of your country; observe its principles; and above all, show yourselves men of God, worthy citizens.”

"Having the simplest  prudence, create Legends"

HeartSGBlogs: Forgiveness

Forgiveness is a decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward a person or group who has harmed you, regardless of whether they actually deserve your forgiveness.

The virtue of forgiveness has been always thought by the society to be great, generous and giving. When one forgives, immediate respect and admiration would be often given. 

Why? 

That is because it is difficult to forgive. Forgiveness in itself is one of the greatest obstacles and challenges that someone has to overcome. It may take days, weeks, months, years or even a lifetime. 

Forgiveness is not simple, it cannot be done quickly, and it is a process. All wounds take time to heal. 
Some may disagree and say that they are able to forgive easily, however are they really able to? 

Forgiveness is not 

• Condoning the offense- Claiming that the offense done is harmless or acceptable.  
• Pretending the offense has never happened
• Allowing others to take advantage of you 
• Forgiving without a valid and proper reason
• “Forgiving” every perceived slight or small error being done to you- At times we may not have the right to forgive as actions done may not be actually a valid offense.

Forgiveness is to “Let Go”. It is to allow you to break free from the heavy chains of self-victimisation, the weight of hate towards the offender, and the anger pulling you down because of that damage done. 

Although forgiving is a really complex and perplexing, it has the power to devote us to emotional freedom. It grants us the liberation to start living a life for ourselves.   

How to Start Forgiving?

Know exactly what you are forgiving

Learn to differentiate! Assess what the offense is owed to you & not what the offense is owed to the society. It is not to forgive that the offender has broken the law or harmed others, but rather forgive of the hurts you experienced due to the offense. This provides you the opportunity to forgive with a sincere and genuine heart.

Be empathetic

Have empathy to both the offender and yourself. Embrace the wounds, scars, & imperfections that all humans have. Give the offender the second chance, the second chance may just be what they need to change. Encourage yourself that you are trying and learn that it takes time to forgive, doing what is right.

Cherish yourself

Remind yourself that you do have a chance to break free from your hurts. You deserve to live more than being trapped in the room of destruction, hate, anger, frustration, and vengeance. Your life should not be controlled by the offender or the offense. Your life is in your own hands, decide to love, forgive and cherish yourself. 

The greatest gift of Forgiveness is not through forgiving others but through forgiving ourselves!

"Having the simplest forgiveness, create Legends"